I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
