Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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