i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
