this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
