he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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