you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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