Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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