Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
