My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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