Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
