I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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