And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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