she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
