Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
