hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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