wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
