What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
