Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
