Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
