oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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