i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
