This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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