Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
why is half of my head shaved?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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