You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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