so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
