ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
