I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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