She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
