Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
