D3 body, D1 cock
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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