Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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