She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
