so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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