I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
