you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
