no, he came in my armpit
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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