Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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