I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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