I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
