Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
