it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
there's paper in my vomit.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
