im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
