I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
