Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
