ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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