she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
