Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
