Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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