dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
