I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
