I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
