so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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