How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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