He uses pillows to masturbate.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
