You're completely useless in the revolution.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
