I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
