it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
