Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
