Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
