Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
40s are totally the cure
Holy sore nipples Batman
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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