your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
