I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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