Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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