I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize