So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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