He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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