We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
