I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I am available for nakedness
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