he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
