he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
me + whiskey = a bad person
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
